Have you decided? – Cremation

Did the last blog help you start up a conversation about your eternal rest? I hope it did, if not, well you’ll get there. One day you are going to accept your fate, but for now, just live your best life. That’s really what death positivity is all about anyway.

Maybe a traditional service isn’t your thing. You may feel that it is too extravagent, too invasive, too much money, or even just too much done to your body. So let’s talk about another way to be honored through cremation.

Ah, cremation. The beautiful burning of the body in order to turn it back to ashes that can be kept at home, buried, scattered in your favorite place(s), or turned into some really cool things. Though burning of the bodies has been around for centuries, modern cremation (as we know it) started about a century ago. You can imagine a century ago how strange a concept it was to not bury someone, especially here in the U.S. The 1960s is really when cremation began to rise. Does anyone know why? No? Well, have you ever heard of a woman by the name of Jessica Mitford? As an author, she wrote one of the most poignent novels about the American funeral industry, The American Way of Death. This novel opened many of people’s eyes about the industry (as it was in the 60s) and the flaws/secrets that funeral directors had. Definitely an inspiration to many people, this novel was published again under the name The American Way of Death: Revisited in the 1990s, and is widely referred to today. Because of the way this novel sparked people’s interest about cremation, the year 2016 saw that 51% of all funeral calls were for cremations.

What exactly is a cremation, well in short, it is the burning of remains (remember that is your dead body) to create some sort of ash-like material. This can be an exciting process! You can choose to have traditional services with cremation or you can be directly cremated. With direct cremation, memorial services are always an option for you, it just depends on what you’d like for your family to do. Some people opt for a witness cremation, which is a way for your family to accompany your body to the crematorium and start the retort (that’s the machine with the really hot fire). Your body is placed in an alternative container, which can be easily burned, or in a wooden casket. Once placed inside the retort, a door is shut and your body begins burning. First, all organic materials and liquids will burn away until all that remains are bone and any foreign metal that couldve been in your body (think hip or knee replacements). The bones will then be removed from the retort and ground into dust. Those are now your cremains.

So what do you do with the ashes? Do you just put them in an urn and call it a day? Well that really depends! Urns are a great way to be able to have remains with you in your home as part of the decor. The scattering of ashes is often a popular choice with people. Be careful to check state and local laws for this one, though. You can’t just spread granny or grampy’s ashes anywhere you want. That is frowned upon. More recently people are using the ashes in a biodegradable urn with a seed and you or your loved one can be turned into a tree! Life out of death. It’s so beautiful. You can even get more creative by turning ashes into records, jewelry, or even tattoos. Though I love that tattoo idea, it kinda weirds me out to have someone’s ashes in my body. But hey, you do you. There is no judgement from me, whatever your death wishes are!

Here are a few links to my favorite mortician, the Good Death herself, Caitlin Doughty. These videos focus on cremation, but feel free to check out more of her videos because she’s awesome.

http://bit.ly/2xGtGee – Are those Really My Mother’s Ashes?

http://bit.ly/2xwxJaN – LEAST EXPENSIVE DEATH OPTION

http://bit.ly/2yCLoNG – All about cremation!

 

Next time we will talk about the way I want to go out of this world and be honored through a natural and green burial. Stay intrigued by death, my wonderfully curious and morbid friends.

 

 

 

Y’all, school and work have been so busy! I apologize for taking so much time to write to you again. I am ashamed….. Not really. My time and sanity are important. I’ll write when I can. And that will be soon….ish.

Have you decided? – Traditional Services

Did you know that how you want your remains (like…you know… your dead body) handled is completely up to you? You have all of the control. I get it though, death is so hard to talk about. So I will try to make it a bit easier for you by using the next few blog posts to tell you different ways you can be honored after you die.

This idea was sparked by a book I am currently reading called Grave Matters: A Journey Through the Modern Funeral Industry to a Natural Way of Burial by Mark Harris. In this book, which I highly recommend you read to get even more insight, Harris takes the reader through many different options of, well, disposal.

So let’s start with a traditional burial. Though “tradition” can be defined differently depending on the funeral home, I will just go with something really generalized. By choosing to have a traditional burial, you are wanting to have a viewing and a funeral service with burial following. The first thing the funeral home will do after you die is get all of your information from the person making the call and remove the body. Many places will check files to see if you have prearranged services (making funeral plans before actually dying). If you have, great, if not, still great. Before the arrangement meeting, the funeral home will get permission to embalm, assuming the family, or you, chose traditional. Embalming is quite interesting, though the process is not for the faint of heart. Here is how it is done:

  1. The body is placed on the preparation table and disrobed (yes, I will see you naked).
  2. Your face will be washed and shaved and features will be set. This includes closing the eyes with the help from our little friends called eye caps (spikey contacts basically), and closing the mouth. Most people die with their mouth wide open and so we either sew the mouth shut, or use a needle injector to go a little faster.
  3. A small incision is made by your collar bone to expose your carotid artery and jugular vein, each getting another small incision.
  4. Embalming fluid is then pumped through the carotid artery and pushes blood (and blood clots!) through the vein.
  5. You will then get one of the best massages ever, even though you won’t feel it. Massaging helps the fluid get to and through your extremities. For some reason legs and feet are so difficult to be embalmed.
  6. After the injection of the fluid through the vascular system (arteries, veins, venules, capillaries), you will be aspirated and cavity fluid (more preservative) will be inserted using the trocar. [Aspiration is when an extremely large, needle-like prod is inserted into your torso in order to get fluids and other bodily substances (poop!) out and create space for the cavity fluid to go once it is inside].
  7. The trocar hole is closed with a trocar button and the incision at the collar bone is stitched up.
  8. You are then washed, dried, and ready to be dressed for the viewing.

Most, not all, funeral homes will require embalming to be done in order to have a visitation, or viewing, even though it is NOT required by law. Keep that in mind, folks.

So now, after the embalming and dressing, you will be ready to be viewed by your family and the public. This usually happens the day before the funeral and burial and last a couple hours.

Finally, the day of your funeral has arrived. The family has requested to speak, have music, have a religious leader speak, and then they make there way to the cemetery. You are placed in the hearse for your last ride and your family follows in procession. At the cemetery a few words will be said and your body will be lowered into the ground, covered by a vault (helps keep out water and critters), and there, your body will rest.

Until recently, this was the choice that many people made for the end of their life. It is a beautiful tradition that honors and celebrates the life of the person who has passed and it is what we know as a societey.  If you’ve given any thought about having this type of service, let me know in the comments. Ask some questions and open the dialog. I want to hear from you.

Next time we will talk about the ever popular cremation services, with some really cool and interesting ways your ashes can be used! I invite you to start talking with people about what you wish to happen to your body when you die. Share this post and follow me on Facebook and Twitter! Stay intrigued by death my friends.

The school, work, and social life balance…

Let’s just say it is hard to find the balance when you feel like you are all over the place. Hence why I have not written a blog post in a while.

School started this week and I am so proud to have made it through because it started out fairly stressful. This weekend I was on call for the funeral home and had very little activity. I spent most of the weekend preparing for school and working a few services. Sunday night came and I couldn’t wait to get to sleep and begin orientation. 11:45 p.m. and I get a call. I love removals and this was my first night time run at my new workplace, so I was pumped. About 20 minutes after the first call and being ready to head out of the door, the facility calls back and tell me I will have to wait for the hospice nurse to get there before the removal can take place. Thus begins the waiting game. Thankfully my roommate was awake to keep me some company because I wasn’t going to bed. I’m called again when they are ready for me at the unholy hour of 2:20 a.m., only six hours until school begins. Around 3:00 a.m. I arrive at the nursing care facility and by 4:00 a.m. I am finally home. But sleep wlouldn’t greet me for another 45 minutes. I welcomed it like an old friend for two blissful hours [which let’s face it, I probably should have just stayed awake].

I was nothing but exhausted and a bit grouchy when it was time for orientation. But this is a feeling I do not hate. Being in death care you have to make sacrifices. I happen to feel that because of my sacrifice of sleep, I’ve done good in this world by caring for our dead. That’s why we choose this business anyway.

*Side note: Ask me if I hate being tired when I go two days without sleeping and my response may be altered.

So to my classmates, if you’re even reading this: Welcome to the Funeral Services Industry. It takes some special people to do what we do and I am glad we get to do it together.

 

Starting work. Anxious. Picking up dead people.

REMOVAL noun  re·mov·al \ri-ˈmü-vəl\

: The act or process of removing : the fact of being removed

Thanks Merriam-Webster for using the word in the definition. It’s so helpful [insert sarcasm].

Monday was my first day on the new job. Barely moved-in, I got up and got ready, woke my roommate up, and we walked over to the funeral home to start our fifteen month journey. Having worked in a funeral home before, I generally knew most of the information and how to do certain tasks. The problem is learning how this particular place likes things done. Between alarm codes, door codes, and the number to call to forward the phones, my brain, and of course anxiety, was frantic. After a couple hours of information we finally got a break to have lunch and watch the over-hyped, but still interesting solar eclipse. So the day ended and most people would get the chance to go home, relax, and get ready for work the next day, however, I did not get that opportunity. It is day one and I was now expected to be on-call. “What?! I am the new guy and have this massive responsibility 4 hours into starting! Insane!” My anxious brain could barely handle this, but I knew I was prepared.

It is what I have to do. In the funeral services industry, almost everyone at some point or another is on-call. It is the name of the game because death has no time frame (pure poetry that sentence). We death care workers need to be ready to go at any moment, any day. For now, I am the on-call removal guy. Thanks to the very cold and weird definition from Merriam-Webster (reference the top of this post if you forgot), many would think this is just for furniture or people being fired. But a removal is so much more. A removal is the act of picking up the dead person from their place of final breath (residence, hospice, hospital, etc.) and getting the body ready to be prepped for services. Often times when performing the removal, the family is present and so, as removal technician, you are the first in contact with the family and the representative for the funeral home. A lot rides on your shoulders and it is so rewarding.

As for Monday night, night one, it was uneventful. My stresses of being on call had subsided around 5:00a.m. when my phone still hadn’t rung and I was sleeping like a baby. You see, being on-call is a funny thing because you never know what can happen.

This was originally scheduled to be published on yesterday (Tuesday) but there was an emergency and I thought it better to focus on that. My apologies! I hope you enjoyed learning a little something in this post and come back for more! Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter for updates and some other cool stuff! Remember, you will die so live your best life.

Moving in and moving on

It’s strange how empty you feel when you move to a new place. Your old rental has been cleared of all your belongings. Your new place is a blank canvas waiting to be painted. And you, well you’re stuck in limbo, prepared, yet somehow unprepared, for what lies ahead. All the while the memory of the day sits on the back of your mind ready, at any moment, to come forward, making you want to stop everything.

There was irony of sorts in my move to the funeral home. I moved on the fourteenth anniversary of my brother’s death. Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, it was hard for me to get motivated for this change. But reflecting on my last blog and knowing I am pursuing my passion, I knew I would work up the gumption.

And so I did. I was moving up and moving on to better things. Though so far those better things have been having in-house laundry and a dishwasher, which is a big deal, don’t judge. I am still trying to get settled, but worry not, my new job starts next week and hopefully, some entertaining stories. Stay death positive my friends.

Hey there! If you have any questions or anything to say, feel free to leave a comment or contact me. You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter (@UndrtkrsApprntc) which are both linked on this page! Also, check out some of those other death links to learn more about death, death positivity, natural burials, and so much more!

“Um…why do you want to do that?”

Chances are if you have a desire to study mortuary science or work in the death care industry, you will be asked this inevitable question. The worst part is that the person asking wants a real, short answer, when there is usually a not-so-short response. That question is loaded. Sure you can answer with “I love death,” or “It gives me job security,” or “The people I work with won’t talk back,” but behind all of those, there is so much more.

For me, becoming a mortician is a calling, one which made me really evaluate my life. There was a seed planted within me at the age of 11 that wouldn’t sprout for twelve years. That seed was the loss of my older brother. A tragic loss and one I will never forget. It was the first death I experienced. I was confused, enraged, and the saddest I have ever been to this date. For a while you are told that it gets easier, which you find out isn’t necessarily true. It does not get easier, but it helps mold you into who you are and how you want to go about living your life. So this was my seed, but it needed watered. And that water came with a sister’s grief, the passing of grandparents, organ donation, a girlfriend’s first experience with death, and a car accident that changed a family. Finally something had sprouted. I wanted to be at service for the people dealing with loss and grief. I wanted to be the person a family trusts to take care of their loved one. I wanted the chance to study death and what happens to the body after the last breath and heartbeat. I wanted to make death my life.

Not only do I want all of those things, I want people to not be afraid of death. I want my family, friends, and strangers on the street to know that you are in control of what happens after you pass. Funerals, embalming, and cremation are not the only options for you to choose and I want the work I do to make a difference (Don’t we all?).

That is why I want to become a funeral director. That is why I have this dream.

So I now ask, why do you want to be a mortician?