Thanatophobia and phasmophobia and achluophobia..oh my!

When I thought about changing careers and working in a funeral home, I never thought about the mental stress this would cause. Sure going back to school was stressful, and finding the job added even more stress, but this is different. This isn’t the mental stress that comes with trying to set-up a funeral, or meeting with emotional families, or even just being surrounded by dead people.

This is the stress that comes with those fears you had as a child, the ones that constantly lurk in the back of your mind…

Before story time, let’s break this down:

PHOBIA: An extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something. Got it? Cool.

THANATOS (Greek): The Greek God of death –or —  Psychologically: Just death.

PHASMO (Greek…again): Apparition or ghost.

ACHLUO (Yeah.. still Greek): Darken.

So *Channelling my inner Sophia Petrillo*

From Google Images

PICTURE IT: Last week. 2AM. In the prep room. I had responded to a call that came in shortly after midnight. Groggy, I got up, stretched, put my suit back on, and left for the funeral home. I have done this many times without anything being out of the ordinary and so far, all was quite normal. I walked in to the pitch-black garage, fumbled to find the light switch, searched for the pre-need, and proceeded to head to the local hospital. I called the nursing supervisor and waited for their assistance to get into the morgue. After about 25 minutes of waiting outside and sweating from the humidity that came with the heat wave, I was on my way back to the funeral home.

Once back, the work actually began. Though I’ve always been slightly creeped out by the funeral home (I mean who wouldn’t be?! Dead people are there, amirite?), tonight I was rather on edge. When I’m alone, I first want to turn the phone diverter off, so that if a call were to come through I can pick up the prep room phone rather than my cell (that would be gross AF). Little known fact about me: I am absolutely terrified of the dark. So yeah, I run back down the stairs like demon from Sinister is about to get into my head and watch me kill everyone I know. All is well…for the most part.

From Google Images

So now I am back in the prep room, music on, embalming, and then I feel the chills. The hair stands on my neck and my heart sinks. Something is there. I quickly brush off the feeling. I need to concentrate. The dead person I am working on deserves all my attention.

“It’s nothing. You’ve done this so many times. Focus.” I tell myself.

An hour passes by. It’s now 2 AM. My music cuts out, I’m assuming because the WiFi sucks, but then I hear it. Someone is walking around upstairs. Trying to be logical, I just assume it’s the A/C and continue working. But my music comes back on and then stops again. This time the footsteps are above me. Someone is legitimately in the office. I walk out of the prep room and yell upstairs.

From Google Images

[Guys, c’mon. Of course no one answers. It’s 2 in the freaking morning. I am an idiot. This is why I’d be the first to die in a horror movie.]

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Axe murderer *Hiding in dark room of abandoned warehouse, throws stone to make noise*

Me: *Hears noise from that dark room, walks in* Hello? Anyone there.

Axe murderer:

Me:

Axe murderer:

Me: *Gets killed by axe murderer*

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ANYWAY.

I go back to work and I am just ready to be out of there. I am tired, sweating (though chilled), and freaking TF out. And then, I hear them coming down the stairs. I pause, not really sure I can handle what is happening, but the stairs are creaking and I hear the heavy footsteps. I just know someone, somehow, got in the funeral home, and this is where I get killed. But then, they just stop. I hear them get to the bottom and then it’s quiet. I check, and there is no one. My heart is racing as I finish the prep work. I turn on every light as I get the diverter back on, and run like hell out of the building. It’s 3 AM. I’m scared, alone, and have to be back at work in 5 hours.

Guys, this is STRESS. I can handle the embalming and the families. But freaking GHOSTS in the DARK?! Oh, hell no. Nuh uh. Nope. Just stay dead and gone people. Death is scary enough as it is. I don’t need any folks coming back for revenge or just to hangout. No Spiritflix and Chill, mate. No Cthulhu and Boo Boo.

This did happen. This is my life in the funeral home. I am anxious to show up to work after hours. Logically, I know it’s nothing and can be explained. There is just something that always feels off. My three biggest fears are the fear of death, fear of the dark, and ghosts. So yeah, I chose to work in a damn funeral home. Genius.

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Stay intrigued by death, my friends.

TC Deathwriter

 

 

Breaking the stigma

Before we get into the meat of this blog, I want to apologize for my time away. It has been a very trying semester but I have made it to the other end. Thank you for your continuous support and understanding. I promise I didn’t forget about you.

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I want you to take about moment to think about the last time you answered this question:

How are you doing?

Do you remember how you answered that? Were you in depth about how you are doing or did you just casually say “I’m great, thanks. How are you?”

Chances are you responded in the quick, somehow acceptable, fashion that we have grown accustomed to as a society. Well…I want to know how you are doing. For real.

It’s time we talk about mental illness and break the stigma behind it. So, let me begin the conversation with something very personal…I suffer from depression with a side of mild anxiety. (What happened to just a cheeseburger and fries? This McLife order sucks.) This is something I knew I had even before the doctor prescribed medication. I am ok with this and with who I am. Sure my highs aren’t always the highest and my lows the lowest, but I am fine in this vast sea of gray area. I feel safe from myself and I can focus on this thing called life. You see, for me, depression has no time frame. Those who know me know that I am honestly going through some of the best things that have ever happened to me, and yet, looming in the corners of the room is depression, watching me, waiting for me to accept its warm embrace. 

I know I am not the only person who feels this every single day. It’s considered a silent fight, because no one wants to treat this as a real illness. Instead, they tell you to do something that makes you happy, or that it’s only temporary, or at least you aren’t dying. Mental illness is considered a joke because people can’t see it. But I am here to tell you, you are not alone. According to Mental Health America more than 40 million people have a mental health condition. 40 million. And guess what…The stigma behind mental health is so severe that 56% of adults who have a mental illness don’t seek treatment… Over half of the people out there are suffering and feel alone. [Now this brings a different issue to the table about healthcare.] Here is a graphic that Mental Health America made for some statistics in 2018:

Unmet needs and access to appropriate help and healthcare is definitely the issue. Time and time again we hear about someone who suffered from a mental health condition ending their own life. The general population is aghast because how unnecessary suicide seems to them. People look at it as “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” It seems more and more that people just don’t understand mental health is NOT temporary. Suicide is treatment. It ends the debilitating suffering. For those in the depths of their mental illness, suicide is the only answer. And please don’t give me the excuse that it is just passing the problem off to someone else. It is not. Mental illness is no STI, so there is no need for it to be covered up by the condom of society and things not talked about.

But you can help.

Talk with someone. Not just a brief exchange, but an intimate, soul-sharing conversation. Look at your closest friends and ask them how they are doing. Share memories. Be honest. None of us have to be alone.

“How are you doing?”

-TC Deathwriter

 

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If you or someone you love is suffering and contemplating ending life, don’t be afraid to reach out. 1-800-273-8255 is the number for the Suicide Prevention Hotline. You can always message me at any time.

 

 

 

 

Bringing Home Baby…or Whomever

Situation: A six-month old child dies and the parents are absolutely devastated. Their world has completely turned upside down and they are lost. They are now making plans that no parent should have to make, funeral arrangements. This is a tough process, but they both decide they want to be a part of taking care of their baby. They want to bathe, clothe, and just hold their child….and they want to do this all at home.

**GASP**

“Who the hell would want to do that?”

“Why? WHY?!”

“No. I can’t allow that. I’m the director. It’s my job!!”

“Is that even legal?”

Those are all quotes from funeral directors probably.

As funeral professionals, it is our job to help families with their grief. We have to be there for them. Many funeral directors get extremely concerned about “bringing home baby” because “it is just going to be too much for people to handle, especially parents.” But is it going to be too much? Should I protect my feelings by denying people their right to grieve in the way they choose? As caregivers, we have to be able to assist with people’s grief, but we cannot deny them something because we do not think they will handle it. In a situation like the one from above, chances are the parents have already seen the dead child and the child was actually in their arms when he/she/they died. They know what the child looks like lifeless. They just want some extra moments with this tiny person who is so precious to them. Maybe the bath soap they have is how they want the baby to smell. Maybe they just want to have the director come to the house so that the child can be prepared where the parents are most comfortable. Maybe this is how they want/NEED to grieve. Maybe we shouldn’t deny this.

You see, funeral homes can be uncomfortable for a lot of people. Many feel outdated and not very welcoming, unless you’re an extremely old person who doesn’t mind hideous wallpaper and antique furniture that may break with with just the smallest amount of weight added. Though times are changing and people are making updates every day, funeral homes may never be the most comforting/comfortable places. This is probably (definitely) because of what the place represents: the death of a loved one. Sure we can add WiFi, televisions, great sound systems, and the most comfortable, new furniture but this still may not be enough for someone to truly feel “at home” within the walls of a funeral home. So why must everything take place there? The answer to the question is that it doesn’t have to. You can choose to be cared for, or your loved ones to be cared for, as you wish. And it’s not just babies that can be brought to the home. Any dead person can be cared for in their own house. I promise, it is ok to do this. If a funeral director tells you “no”, you are allowed to take your business elsewhere. Your grief and feelings are important and no funeral professional should tell you otherwise.

For me, I’m on the path to help you. Guide you. Be there for you. In your time of need I want you to rely on me to help get you through and I will do anything I can to accomplish that.

So grieve well and however you need to, my fellow death enthusiasts. And remember, stay intrigued by death.

TC-Death Writer

PS: If you are a funeral professional and feel attacked by this post, think long and hard about why you do what you do. Don’t deny anybody their rights to grieve. Support them.

 

Rejuvenate

Hello my death enthusiasts!

It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?! How have you been? I am so sorry to have neglected you and this blog for a bit. Life just got crazy and I feel I wasn’t in the right head-space to really get anything meaningful down for you to read and ponder over. My semester at school, for lack of better words, completely kicked my ass. Not only that, but I started a second job to supplement my minuscule income, so this blog was put to the back burner. But I know you’ve been itching to read more from me so here we are. I am back, and let’s hope I don’t disappear again.

Since I’ve been so busy, you may be asking why I am writing now. Well the answer is simple: I’m rejuvenating. The semester ended and I knew I needed to take some time to breathe. So I scheduled an interview for an apprenticeship and took several days off of work. This time off has been a much needed “shut down”…well other than the interview (That was 15 hours of talking….). My shut down time lead me to a little road trip to Toronto. The busy metropolis welcomed me with open arms and cold rain. I didn’t mind though. For me, this little trip helped to tap into myself, which I seemed to have lost along the way. Though crazy and fast-paced, I was able to relax. I walked about 40,000 steps, took several pictures, and most importantly, stopped to breathe. I was a stranger to a city and by myself, so it’s this anonymity that I thrived on. Not a single person knew me, nor I them, and I was able to get lost among the swells of people. This was my self-care.

So what is yours? In the funeral profession, we are taught that self-care is one if the most important things you can do to make sure you stay sane. (Mind you, mental health is a real issue and just a little time off doesn’t just fix that, I more talking about the separation between the stress of work/school and the things you enjoy outside those environments.) Every day we are faced with grief, loss, and family issues and those things can take a toll. Without keeping true to the tasks that entertain you and turn the “work mode” off, that feeling of being burnt out will overcome you.

So burnt out sunk in and I neglected you. But slowly I’m coming back from this state. A little anonymity can go a long way.

Remember: Breathe. Observe. Listen. Breathe.

As always, stay intrigued by death my friends.

TC-Death Writer

D.I.Y. or Die: Post-mortem cosmetic surgery

*This post contains images that may be disturbing to some readers but they are cool, so read at your own risk!*

By a show of hands, who knew that morticianing [probably a word] was a surgical practice? Great. Next question: Who knew that it was an art? Not many hands, excellent. [I really can’t see your hands but thank you for participating.]

So tidbits of this survey are: 1) Embalming is surgery of sorts 2) Morticianing [not sure if it’s really a word] is an artform 3) Both of those things together make us plastic surgeons of death.

People can die in so many ways. I would love to say that most deaths are easy on the body and the decedent (dead person) just looks like a sleeping angel, but reality is that no one is beautiful dead. Picture this: eyes somewhere between open and closed lacking the gleam we are used to, mouth hanging wide open with or without the purge of internal contents, and hands clenched into somewhat of a fist. Really though, this is best case scenario for restoration of the body. But imagine if you will, someone with a gun shot wound to the face or some sort of blunt force trauma. How do those situations make someone look? Simple answer is that this person will probably be very unrecognizable. So we, as morticians (or future morticians), step in for some restoration so that if the family chooses to have an open casket visitation, their loved one will look as they were in life.

This part of morticianing [ok it’s definitely not a word] is called restorative arts. This is easily one of the hardest courses I have been a part of to date. But this isn’t just a course, it is part of the career. From simply setting the features (closing the eyes and mouth), shaving, and cosmetizing to facial reconstruction, a mortician will work diligently to please the family. Sometimes it fails, but putting forth our best effort is all we can do.

So how is it done? Well it just depends on the damage to the tissue we are working with. Most of the time it is wax that is molded and cosmetized to look like skin! I enjoy challenging myself, so I have a lot of fun trying to make the wax look realistic. Here are some images of what I’ve worked on:

Please don’t judge my generic ears. They are all really uniform and don’t resemble a model’s. I am really proud of my noses though. I’ve spent loads of time on them and I am still trying to perfect them.

So this is where I am starting in my career. As time goes on I will get better. For some more visual of some restorative art work here are a few more examples:

Aren’t they beautiful?! The amount of care and time that someone put into these remains is just inspiring. Note: These photos do not belong to me. I found them through a Google search.

So the next time you are at a funeral, before judging that the person looks bad or, like you know, dead, just remember that the mortician put a lot of hard work into making this post-mortem plastic surgery successful. After all, morticianing [last time I promise!] is an artform and the human body is the canvas.

Until next time, stay intrigued by death, my friends.

TC – Death Writer

Type 4 waste

“What is that” – Well…you.

“Should I be worried?” – …probably not.

“Will this blog make me need a barf bag?” – Only if you find my writing absolutely atrocious or if the thought of not existing anymore frightens you to that physical reaction.

I should just leave the blog there. Make you question me, or just actually talk with me.

(C’mon death enthusiasts… I don’t bite. Please ask me questions. I need writing inspiration.)

Anyway…. Throughout human history, both written and unwritten (so thousands of years) there seems to be something that always lingers in the back of our minds. I am not talking about the instinctual thought of where the next meal will come from (probably Aldi), but a deeper, more powerful question…What does this [life and death] all mean?

We are born. We live a few decades. We die. Just like that. Some lives are short while some lucky few get 80+ years. We are told that it doesn’t matter the length, but that the life lived is what is important. Then we go into the earth to decompose or the crematory to burn, making every single human Type 4 Waste. This being pathological/biological waste and also the same waste of that produced at a slaughterhouse.

Think about that…I’ll wait.

It’s a hard thing to grasp that our lives (and the people and animals we hold dear to us) just end up as waste. To insert my favorite quote “Life sucks and then you die.” (TBH I have no idea where that came from…)

So what does it all mean?

I wish I had the answer to that. All I know is that while my (amazing) body and soul walk this earth, I will try to live a fantastic existance knowing the impending future. You see, death actually frightens me. I think about who I am and that one day I will just cease to exist and it petrifies me. However, it is the reason behind why I am death positive. Just because I am scared does not mean I can’t embrace my own humanity. I know one day I will die, I know what will happen with my remains, and I know that my physical body will just become type 4 waste.

Don’t shy away from these hard thoughts. Instead, embrace them.

And as always, stay intrigued by death, my friends.

 

TC- Death Writer

 

Another Year Older, Another Year Closer to Death

We have all heard this at some point in our lives. I remember being in middle school the first time someone (an adult) used this phrase for my birthday. I was like “Damn! Settle down Karen, I’m only 13.” One does not just tell a thirteen year old they are heading straight for the eternal sleep… at least that is what I thought.

In hindsight, this phrase is pretty spot-on. Duh. By this point we all know we are going to die. I mean sure, on my birthday I am technically only one day older, but it is still one day closer to the end. In fact, every second that ticks brings our visit from the grim reaper ever closer. [Side note: Do you think there is a Cheerful Reaper? Just shows up like “Get in loser we are going on a trip to happy town. [Side note within side note: Basically an acid trip or just some really big life event that isn’t depressing, such as Netflix adding a new season of a show for your lazy butt to binge in 8 hours (looking at you Black Mirror).]] 

So if you haven’t figured it out by now, it is my birthday. My presence has been a part of this glorious terrestrial planet for 26 years. You’re welcome. My new mission in life is simple: eat, sleep, and breath death (funny because without any of these things you would, in fact, die). I know I have had a little hiatus from writing this blog for you wonderful people, but I am back and I want nothing more than you to be able to read, learn, laugh, and grow from this blog. So for my birthday, please write to me about anything death related you may be interested in. And I mean anything! Want to know about a certain corpse or more about death practices? Want to know the ins and outs of my mortuary school? Curious about your own fate? Intrigued by what I fear most or how a mortuary student decorates their house? It’s all fair game. Do not be afraid to start a conversation with me. Please share this blog anywhere you can with the ones you love. Don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

As always, stay intrigued by death, my friends.

Happy Birthday to me. Here is my favorite little birthday ditty:

Happy birthday <thud> Happy birthday <thud>

Doom and gloom and black despair

People dying everywhere

Happy birthday <thud> Happy birthday <thud>

Now you’ve aged another year

And Your death is drawing near

Happy birthday <thud> Happy birthday <thud>

May the cities in your wake

Burn like candles on your cake

Happy birthday <thud> Happy birthday <thud>

Huzzah!

TC – Death Writer

I Got Fat Tissue in My Beard…An Update on Life in Mortuary School

Well death enthusiasts, it happened. I was improperly wearing my PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) whilst searching for blood vessels to begin embalming. Frustrated, I tore away at the sternocleidomastoid muscle and my anuerysm hook caught some fat tissue and flung it toward my face landing right in my beard. Though freaking out and EXTREMELY disgusted, I kept going. When I got home from lab, I still had to check-in at work. So I walked over to the funeral home with fat still in my beard, told them I wasn’t staying, and then proceeded to head back home to take one of the hottest showers I have ever taken and to scrub my face. I even considered getting rid of my beard. I’m way to proud of that though to get rid of it. Washing it sufficed.

Mortuary school is a lot like getting fat in your beard. One minute you think everything is going really well and the next minute you’re hating life and just wanting to shower.

It has definitely been a busy semester. I was cruising along through my midterms, but now feel like I am falling way behind in the marathon. Though I am still getting decent-ish grades, it keeps piling up. But I am enjoying most (well some) of what I am doing every day.

Stay intrigued by death, my friends. Like and follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Ask me questions. And please, don’t let a little fat tissue in your beard hold you back.

[TC-Death Writer]

 

The Death Holidays

First and foremost, I want to offer my sincerest apologies for my lack of blog writing. Midterms came up and I spent a lot of my time studying. Though I am sorry I haven’t written to fulfill your death curiosities, I am not really sorry for putting my studies first. I know you’ll understand. You are all cool people.

Y’all the end of October is every mortuary students’ favorite time of the year. (I mean, I love Christmas so maybe not mine, but death holidays are kind of my jam.) For example, we were given skull momentos at school. Skull momentos. How cool is that?! It’s the little things, ok? Don’t judge. What I love most about this time of year, though, is that death becomes less “scary.” Children want to dress as zombies, dead cheerleaders, Pennywise, and almost every other horror creature or character you can think of. For a brief time, people celebrate death, but is it only because candy is involved? Probably. I feel there is something more to this phenomenon though. Maybe a deeper connection to death than people want to think about.

In Mexican culture, there is a little celebration known as the Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos). From midnight of Halloween (technically Nov. 1) until midnight on November 2, people celebrate their loved ones who have passed on. Parents, grandparents, children, and even pets, their lives are being celebrated though they are gone. This is the time when the world of the dead and the living are closest. The dead are invited to celebrate in the world with the living. You can find massive gatherings at cemeteries where people picnic, share stories, and spend whatever time they wish with someone they love. Think about this for a second, an entire culture coming together for death. This is death positivity.

I know Halloween is all fun and games. I wore skull socks and a shirt with “Future Corpse” wirtten on it (which you can own at The Order of the Good Death’s etsy page, linked here –> http://etsy.me/2xLcwJz). However, you can make this holiday meaningful to you. Today, think about someone you’ve lost. Cherish them. Celebrate them. Invite them into your home.

As always, stay intrigued by death, my friends. Happy Halloween. 

Have You Decided? – Natural Burial

Well, you’ve passed on a traditional service and you’ve passed on cremation, so now what? You may be like many people out there and think that those are your only two options. Let me tell you a secret…they aren’t!

“What?!”

“Stop lying to us!”

“Dude, you’re crazy. There’s only embalming or cremation.”

Well my friends, you’re wrong. There are always options. Let me introduce to you, or rather reintroduce, the practice of natural burial. I say reintroduce because humans have been around for a long time and before embalming was even a thing, people were just straight-up buried.

I don’t want to confuse you, so let’s just dive right into what natural burial is. Natural, in this sense, means the human body as it is (at the time of death or in life). That’s a definition I just made up so I can’t really give a source for that. Just take my word for it. [Side note: There are 15 different definitions of natural on Merriam-Webster’s website. Who knew?] This basically means an unembalmed corpse, or just a body. No chemicals, cosmetics, or anything that accompanies embalming. By law, embalming is not (IS NOT!!!) required. If you don’t wish to be embalmed, then don’t. Now, the burial part is just that, a burial. You can choose to be shrouded, placed in a biodegradable casket, a mushroom suit that aids decomposition (see Image 1 and view TedTalk), placed in a pod that grows a tree (see Image 2), or even just placed in the ground.

Image 1

Image 2

For me, natural burial is a way to bring death back into society. For so long, we have pushed it away and never wanted to think about it. But, by going naturially, your family has a chance to be a part of the process. Your family can choose to have a wake at home, wash your body and dress you, and even dig the hole for your body to be placed (How intimate is that?!). Now, these options can be possibilities for traditional services and cremations, so if you want that, then choose it.

The whole idea is to return your body to the earth. You get a chance to decompose in the most honest way possible, giving life back to the planet. You are finally completing the circle and you’re not introducing chemicals into the soil (Do you know how bad that is to the environment, let alone the people who work with them?!). Let it be known that this is what I want done with my body. I want my family to be as involved as possible and place me in the earth to let nature take its course.

Jae Rhim Lee – Infinity Burial Project: This TedTalk is definitely one worth watching. It is rather short, but the information is amazing  – https://www.ted.com/talks/jae_rhim_lee#t-137503

Ask A Mortician – Why are you SO MEAN to Embalming? – Caitlin’s thoughts are my thoughts. She gets it. She knows what’s up. (Definitely my inspiration in the death care industry!) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMw5E2rzKWg

Green Burial Council – Click this link to find where a natural burial cemetery is in proximity to you (at least in the US) – https://greenburialcouncil.org/find-a-provider/

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Over the last few blogs, I have given you some good information that I hope has sparked how you think about your death. Just by taking the time to plan how you want to leave this world, you are accepting your fate. Death is never something we should push aside, because it will happen. As scary as that seems, it will happen. Stay curious and intrigued by death.