Bringing Home Baby…or Whomever

Situation: A six-month old child dies and the parents are absolutely devastated. Their world has completely turned upside down and they are lost. They are now making plans that no parent should have to make, funeral arrangements. This is a tough process, but they both decide they want to be a part of taking care of their baby. They want to bathe, clothe, and just hold their child….and they want to do this all at home.

**GASP**

“Who the hell would want to do that?”

“Why? WHY?!”

“No. I can’t allow that. I’m the director. It’s my job!!”

“Is that even legal?”

Those are all quotes from funeral directors probably.

As funeral professionals, it is our job to help families with their grief. We have to be there for them. Many funeral directors get extremely concerned about “bringing home baby” because “it is just going to be too much for people to handle, especially parents.” But is it going to be too much? Should I protect my feelings by denying people their right to grieve in the way they choose? As caregivers, we have to be able to assist with people’s grief, but we cannot deny them something because we do not think they will handle it. In a situation like the one from above, chances are the parents have already seen the dead child and the child was actually in their arms when he/she/they died. They know what the child looks like lifeless. They just want some extra moments with this tiny person who is so precious to them. Maybe the bath soap they have is how they want the baby to smell. Maybe they just want to have the director come to the house so that the child can be prepared where the parents are most comfortable. Maybe this is how they want/NEED to grieve. Maybe we shouldn’t deny this.

You see, funeral homes can be uncomfortable for a lot of people. Many feel outdated and not very welcoming, unless you’re an extremely old person who doesn’t mind hideous wallpaper and antique furniture that may break with with just the smallest amount of weight added. Though times are changing and people are making updates every day, funeral homes may never be the most comforting/comfortable places. This is probably (definitely) because of what the place represents: the death of a loved one. Sure we can add WiFi, televisions, great sound systems, and the most comfortable, new furniture but this still may not be enough for someone to truly feel “at home” within the walls of a funeral home. So why must everything take place there? The answer to the question is that it doesn’t have to. You can choose to be cared for, or your loved ones to be cared for, as you wish. And it’s not just babies that can be brought to the home. Any dead person can be cared for in their own house. I promise, it is ok to do this. If a funeral director tells you “no”, you are allowed to take your business elsewhere. Your grief and feelings are important and no funeral professional should tell you otherwise.

For me, I’m on the path to help you. Guide you. Be there for you. In your time of need I want you to rely on me to help get you through and I will do anything I can to accomplish that.

So grieve well and however you need to, my fellow death enthusiasts. And remember, stay intrigued by death.

TC-Death Writer

PS: If you are a funeral professional and feel attacked by this post, think long and hard about why you do what you do. Don’t deny anybody their rights to grieve. Support them.